Why playing with a submissive who knows their boundaries and limits is a joyful experience

A mistresses perspective

The joy of playing with well trained slaves

As someone who works with power dynamics in a subtle and not-so-subtle manners throughout my work, I often ask the question “what are you wanting to explore with me today?”. This is often met with hesitation (if they have not filled out my online booking form and read the questions listed in their, which helps the client and I to prepare for the session), as often a request for a specific kink and as often again with “whatever you want to do to me, Mistress”. I understand that being asked to think and ask for what you want can feel quite confronting if you are not used to this (I have written a blog all about this), but unfortunately when a submissive normally says this, that is not what they truly mean. Maybe what I really want that day is to participate in Financial Dominating their bank, or to flogging or caning until the submissive bleeds, or spiting into their mouth and all over their arse? Normally, unfortunately when someone says “do whatever you want to me Mistress” this means is that they have not investigated their own desired deeply. I should caveat that in my sessions, I do do what I want, but this is always filtered through the emotional needs and through an understanding of the desires of my clients.

It is a true delight when a submissive does mean “Do whatever makes you happy Mistress”. When they have really thought about their boundaries and comes to the table (I literally do my pre session negotiations around a table) with knowledge of their bodies limits and their hard and soft limits and can say “I want to do whatever makes you happy Mistress.” It is literal joy to my ears.

Recently I had a session with a well seasoned submissive who’s testimonial you can read, with many years experience and I was able to know that when he said his limits, that he was not going to leave any of the list (this is also a very common experience, that clients forget to tell you about injuries or operations). I knew that he would let me know if the stroke of my flogger, the pinch of my fingernail, the pierce of my wartenburg wheel was too much. That meant that I could concentrate on pushing his limits, delight in his moans of pain and delight. I knew that he knew his body well enough to tell me when he had had enough, when it was close to enough (we did not get there on our initial session) or when he was ecstatic. 

I could reach into my element because I knew that the submissive was embodied in his experience, I could be as spontaneous and playful (this is the way play and I will be writing a blog about this shortly). I could pick up whatever toy was in vicinity and work (or whip) the submissive into a daze. He could be marked and he was, I flogged him until his chest was a deep red, pinched him until he could take no more and pinned him as I desired. We both laughed, I cackled and it was truly scrumptious to co-create this experience, all this whilst I was wearing a latex playsuit!

It felt cathartic, wonderful and sublime. What a joyful session. Thank you Big D for bringing your all to the table to explore with me. I can’t wait to push the limits so more with you next time